Man's best friend
by SummerFireplaces
Summary: Sirius Black is in love with Remus Lupin. He never wanted it, and hates this feeling more and more as time passes and it become each day more obvious that his love will never be reciprocated. One-sided Wolfstar, from Hogwarts to the Department of Mysteries, because Sirius's story wasn't tragic enough as it is. In progress.
1. Chapter 1

"_Sirius_! Did you see that we have a Hogsmeade's trip next week-end?" asked Marlene McKinnon suavely.

"Yeah, I saw."

"Do you have any plans? Because I thought, you and me..."

"That's a great idea ! interrupted James. Maybe you could ask Lily if she want to go too, so the four of us can go together!"

Marlene stared at James like he was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen, something between an adult Mandrake and an exploded Dungbomb probably. She then turned back at Sirius, and a smile reappeared on her face like no one had interrupted her.

"Actually, I was thinking we could spend some time _alone_," she said with an unambiguous wink, brushing her fingers on Sirius' forearm.

"I think I'll pass. I can't let this idiot alone anyways, or he'll ridicule himself even more in front on Evans. Sorry, McKinnon."

It was pretty obvious from the tone of his voice that he wasn't sorry at all, and McKinnon probably sensed it because she said goodbye with the coldest smile possible and stormed out more than just leaved the common room.

"Merlin, why can't McKinnon leave me alone ? S'not like I showed her any sign of attention since we snogged at this Gryffindor party back in fourth year... It was practically two years ago, you'd think she'd take the hint. She could ask Wormtail out for a change."

"Or Moony", said James slowly.

Sirius raised his head to look at James, who was doing his potions essay in an armchair next to the fire. What the hell did he mean by that ? _He probably meant nothing Sirius, nothing at all_.

"Yeah, or Moony... Speaking of him, actually, I wish I could arrive soon. I'm starting to worry, why is he taking so long?"

"It's only four in the afternoon. You know Madam Pomfrey, she won't let him go until at least six, like every month."

"Still, I think I'll go check on him..."

"Padfoot, _no_. We agreed the three of us couldn't go see him every month, or it will look suspicious. Wormtail already went check on him, he's fine."

"Why would us acting like good friends look suspicious, exactly?"

"_Come on, Padfoot_! We're not even supposed to know that he's – what he's got."

He had stopped hastily mid-sentence and checked around him for wandering ears, even though the common room had been empty for hours, excluding the McKinnon episode. Sirius knew he was right, but he couldn't help but feel angry. He had thought of borrowing James' cape but now it seemed out of question. Instead, he mumbled : "Yeah, whatever".

They spent the following minutes in silence, Sirius, laying on the sofa, quietly sulking, and James trying to focus on his essay but not succeeding to write more than a few words. He was obviously preoccupied by something else, but Sirius couldn't figure out what, and it was starting to stress him out too. He was about to crack a stupid joke to break the tense silence when James suddenly asked:

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you – um – do you _like_ Remus?"

The weirdness of the question startled Sirius, but he decided not to let it show.

"Did Evans hit you on the head harder than usual? Do you want me to take you to the hospital wing to check your brain? Of course I like Remus, don't you?"

"Yeah – I mean, no. That's no what I meant. I meant – _are you in love with Remus?_"

"… what?"

Sirius was hoping he'd heard wrong. There was no way James had said what he thought he'd said. His heart was thumping loudly in his chest, menacing to break out his ribcage with each pump.

"Why would you even say something like that?" he asked again, trying to conceal his trouble with a voice as cold and steady as possible.

"Um – I don't know – because you just turned out Marlene McKinnon, who is pretty much the most good looking girl in our year except Lily, even though you haven't had a date in _ages_? And that you complain a lot when Remus' not here, even though his absence is perfectly normal? I don't know mate, it's just you've been acting weird for weeks."

"Sure, I'm acting weird. So what if I find precious little Marlene annoying? By the way, me dating her won't get you into Evans' pants any faster, you know. And so what if I want Moony to be come here quickly? You're boring me, I was hoping he'd be more fun. Doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

Sirius laid again on the sofa where he was half napping before James' interruption. He acted as laid back as he could but his heart was still jumping maniacally. He took long deep breaths, trying to calm down its erratic thumping.

"I don't know mate – it's just, you're – acting weird around him, you know?"

"No James, I really don't."

His heart wasn't steadying, on the contrary, but he answered to James in the coldest voice possible.

"Well, I mean, the way you pick him up and carry him after the full moon -"

"So _WHAT_? You want me to let him lying there for all Hogsmeade to see just because you or Peter aren't capable to carry him?"

Without realising, he had jumped up, now sitting very still on the edge, shoulders shaking with anger. From his armchair, James looked at him over his barely started potions essay.

"First of all, I'm very capable to carry -"

"NO – YOU'RE – _NOT!_ Last time you dropped him, remember, because you insisted on carrying him on your back while transformed and stags _DON'T HAVE BLOODY HANDS TO CATCH HIM UP!_"

"Wow. _Wow_. Why are you screaming, now? I wasn't attacking you. I'm just saying, when you do, the way you look at him, it's just – it's how I look at Evans, I guess."

"No Potter, it's not. First of all, because you never _SAW_ the look on your stupid face when you lust over Evans. And also because I'm positive I never looked this bloody lovestruck."

"Yeah – you kinda do, actually."

"_Shut up!_"

Panting, Sirius realised that he had screamed, even if he hadn't meant to – luckily, the common room was still empty. He also didn't know how the hell he had ended standing up. He felt distinctly his blood pumping loudly through his veins and rushing to his brain. He couldn't think straight, didn't know what to say anymore, so without another word he turned around and climbed the stairs up to their empty dorm. As soon as he arrived, he let himself fall into his bed, not even bothering to remove his shoes. He realised he was shaking from head to toes. It was all James' fault, he thought. Him, in love with Moony?

It was – it was – _it was in fact perfectly true_.

And Sirius was afraid of how easily James had figured it out. Sure, it's been a while since he pretended to be interested in girls – poor Marlene didn't seem to want to take the hint. But he also didn't show any kind of interest in guys. Not that his friends would care if he suddenly started dating Gideon Prewett – God bless his gorgeous little Quidditch player ass. But if they knew, then it would only be a matter of time before they realised that he was in fact madly in love with their very own personal werewolf.

But it turned out he had been wrong hiding the truth from his friends, because this sneaky annoying little brat of James Potter had found out by himself anyways. At this moment, the door of the dorm opened slowly. Speaking of the stag …

"Padfoot, are you okay?"

"Go away Prongs!"

But if there was something James Potter wasn't good at, it was following orders.

"Come on Sirius, talk to me", he said as he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

As only answer, Sirius turned around and buried his face in his pillow. He already knew it wouldn't be enough to get rid of James though, and sadly, he was right. His friends begun to poke his arm while repeating "Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot, Pad -"

"_WHAT?_"

"Ah, finally!"

Sirius raised to sit in the middle of the bed, but still very careful not to look at James.

"Okay, you're right, I'm in lo- _I like_ Moony. Happy now?"

"Well – yeah! That's great!"

"Great? _GREAT?_ James Potter, are you a bloody _MORON_?"

He had planned not to look at him, but instinctively turned his head to face his idiot of a best friend.

"Wow, you really need to do something about your anger issues... Listen, I just meant -"

"James. Remus can _never_ know about this", said Sirius through gritted teeth. "In fact, _no one_ can know about about this, not even Peter, you hear me?"

"But... why? I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Oh, I don't know James, he could _reject me_?"

"So what? It won't kill you. Look at me, you could say I'm the king of being rejected, but I'm still breathing!"

Sirius sighed. He loved James, he really did. He was much more of a brother to him than Regulus had ever been. But sometimes, he could be very, very stupid. No wonder Evans couldn't stand him.

"Prongs, no offence, but you and Evans were never friends. Sure, each time you ask her out, she probably hates you a little more..."

"_Hey!_"

"… but that's okay, because she never liked you in the first place. But Moony... Moony's my best friend, along with you and Wormtail. I just don't want to make things awkward between us. I don't – I don't want to lose you all."

James looked at him, all trace of laughter or even indignation vanished from his face now, and Sirius could tell that he finally understood.

"Okay, I promise I won't tell anyone. But you really – you should – I mean, if you don't try, you'll never know... you know?"

"I know Prongs, I really do. Thanks anyway."


	2. Chapter 2

Peter and Sirius were coming back from detention, tired and irritated, only dreaming of their comfy beds waiting in the dorm room, when they ran into Remus, Lily and some of her friends. They were apparently off prefect duty and were chatting cheerfully next to McGonagall's office.

"Oi! Guys!"

"Oi Remus", muttered Peter.

"You both look terrible, mates."

"Well, if you had spent two hours cleaning the trophies room – muggle-style of course – you wouldn't be too happy either", said Sirius gloomily.

"No one forced you to make Dungbombs explode over Slytherin table, though", said Lily. "The Great Hall stank for two days straight after that, I can't say I feel sorry for you."

Sirius sighed dramatically. He actually liked Lily from times to times, even though if he would never admit it to James. But she could be so damn annoying. He was thinking of a comeback snarky enough when Snape appeared from the same corridor Sirius and Peter just arrived. He nodded in direction of Lily, but she pretended not to see him. Sirius remembered they had been friends once, as strange as it might be. But since last year, when Snape had called her a Mudblood in front of the whole school, they had apparently ceased all interaction, for James' greatest happiness.

As Lily kept looking away, Snape frowned angrily, and Sirius decided it would be rude not to greet him.

"Snivellus! You look lovely today! I think your hair has never been so greasy, did you finally realise that your shampoo was useless and decided to throw it away?"

Snape kept walking, as if he hadn't heard him. Grinning, Sirius walked to him to block his way. He didn't know why, but every time he was angry, or bored, or even tired, he felt the urge to pick on Snape. And right now, he was really tired. And, Merlin knew why, really angry too.

"I hope being a walking disgrace doesn't keep you from sleeping at night. Soon, these bags under your eyes will become trunks. Or, who knows? Cauldrons maybe! Old Slug will be so proud."

As usual, Snape couldn't play indifference for too long. For Sirius' greatest pleasure, he sent him a murderous look:

"If I were you, I wouldn't worry about me, Black. Your _boyfriend_ over here should be the one you're worrying about."

Ever since his brief fling with Galvin Gudgeon, Ravenclaw's Seeker, a few months ago, each time Snape talked to him about James, Remus or Peter, he always said "your _boyfriend_". As usual with his so-called jokes, no one in Hogwarts found it funny, but he kept doing it anyways.

He turned to face Remus and added, a sarcastic look of concern on his face : "You look terrible Lupin. Is it your time of the month again?"

"_Watch it Snivellus!"_

Without thinking, Sirius had grabbed him by the collar of his robes, shoving him against the wall. Snape was still smirking, but Sirius noticed that he was sweating, and that his eyes were darting nervously like a terrified Porlock.

Remus placed a hand on his soulder and muttered : "Let him go, Padfoot."

"You heard your _boyfriend_, Black. You wouldn't want to make a scene."

His voice was still quivering behind fake assurance, but Sirius knew that he was right. Lily and her friends were staring at them, probably wondering what could have caused such a violent reaction to Snape stupid but seemingly harmless words. Peter was desperately trying to divert their attention, but they were to focused on the argument to care. He was making signs apparently signifying : "Let's get the hell out of here!". Sirius sighed, and let go of Snape's robes. He was walking away, when he heard:

"Funny how you listen to your _boyfriend_, Black. You could say he's the _alpha wolf_ – "

_BANG! _Without even thinking, Sirius had turned around and punched him in the jaw. Snape screamed and raised his hand to his mouth. Apparently, his lip was cut, because blood dripped on his fingers.

"Can someone explain me what is going on here exactly?"

McGonagall was standing at the door of her office. Lily and her friends slowly backed away.

"It's Black professor! He punched me in the face for absolutely no reason! Look, _I'm bleeding_."

He raised his bloody hand as proof. McGonagall stared at him with disgust, then turned to Sirius.

"Have you something to say for yourself, Mr. Black?", she said coldly.

"I – no, I'm afraid not."

"Then _I'm afraid_ you'll have to come back next week for two other hours of cleaning. Merlin knows some of our trophies need it."

"_What?_"

"And I'll also take twenty points from Gryffindor. Don't waste even more of my time contradicting me, or it will be forty."

"_But – _I mean – yes, professor."

"Come on, guys", said Peter. As they were leaving, Sirius gave a violent nudge to Snape that threw him against the wall. McGonagall yelled "_Black!_", but Sirius didn't care any more. He approached his face right next to Snape's and whispered, so low that no one else could hear: "Listen to me, Snivellus. If you say one more thing about Remus, I swear, this time I'll come for you myself, and you can be sure James won't be here to save your sorry life a second time."

As always, Snape covered up his fear with an overconfident smirk: "Did I struck a sensitive chord Black? Seems like someone is in love."

It took all of Sirius' willpower not to punch him right on the face, even with McGonagall still watching them. Sensing something was wrong, Peter grabbed him instantly by the sleeve : "Come on Padfoot, _let's go_."

He shrugged and, with a last menacing stare, walked away from Snape. Behind him, he could hear Lily and her friends talking hurriedly, and it made him even more furious.

When they finally were out of earshot, Peter snapped: "What in Merlin's namewas _that, _Padfoot? You were about to punch him again _right in front of McGonagall_! As if the first time wasn't enough!"

"I wasn't -"

"Yes you _were_, don't deny it! What the hell did he said to you?"

"Nothing. Stuff. About Moony. The usual."

Remus, who had been strangely quiet since they left, finally spoke : "You know, Padfoot, you don't have to defend me all the time". He seemed oddly irritated.

Sirius stared at him. _Of course I have to defend you_, he thought. _It's my bloody fault Snivellus knows about you, and I'll never be able to make it up to you_.

"Snape does that only to annoy it, I hope you know that? He won't actually say anything to anyone, he promised Dumbledore. And if Dumbledore trust him, so do I."

Sirius wasn't convinced at all, but he didn't answer. He felt like he had done enough stupid things for one day. To lighten the mood, Peter started to joke about their awful detention, and how he was glad _he _didn't have to come back next week, "unlike some poor bloke over here". Remus was laughing along, but, weirdly, it made Sirius feel even more miserable.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey..."

James opened the door slowly and stood at the entrance of the bedroom, a smoking cup of tea in his hands.

"Can I come in? Mum didn't want to bother you, but she thought some tea might be needed."

Sirius was sitting in James' bed, wrapped in covers. Even though he had dried up and changed clothes – he was wearing some of James' old pyjamas now – he was still quivering from his ride under the rain.

"Your mum's the best, Prongs."

James smiled and sat next to Sirius. He handed him the cup ; the warmth of the cup burned Sirius' frozen palms but the sensation was nice.

"I'll have to agree", he chuckled. "By the way... she says you can stay all the time you want. I mean – you don't have to leave. Ever."

_Could this mean …?_ He had left home without even having a plan, flying all the way to the only friendly place he could think of, but never took the time to imagine what he'd do next. Staying permanently at the Potters wouldn't change much, because he usually spent his holidays at their house anyways, but it was so different to actually be invited to _live _here, to be an almost official member of the best family he knew.

"Does that mean I'm your brother now, Prongs?" he said, smirking.

"You always were, you idiot."

Sirius tried to laugh, but no sound came from his throat, which felt suddenly very tight. To his horror, he realised his eyes were watering. To avoid Jame's glance, he pretended to take a sip of his tea, but suddenly felt a comforting arm across his shoulders.

"Hey Padfoot, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay now."

Sirius carefully put the cup on the nightstand, scared to let it drop, as his hands were truly shaking now. He lifted his head to face James and, as their eyes met, he felt a huge burden suddenly leave his chest. He wanted to laugh out of relief but tears came rushing in, and he started to cry uncontrollably. He probably should have felt ashamed, but James hugged him tighter, and Sirius buried his head on his best friend shoulder. He couldn't stop crying but it didn't matter anymore. James was stroking his back and whispering endlessly "it's okay now, it's okay".

Sirius couldn't remember when exactly he stopped crying, nor when he fell asleep, but he was almost sure James kept him in his arms until this moment.

The morning after, James and Sirius were laying on the grass next to the Potter's house, lazily enjoying the sun. They had planned to play Quidditch but Sirius had realised he didn't feel quite like getting on a broom after flying a whole evening the day before. They were both tired from the night before – after all Sirius had arrived well after midnight – so doing nothing seemed perfectly fine to them. Suddenly, James stood up.

"Merlin! I completely forgot to tell you! Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted to invite Remus and Peter over."

"It's your house, not mine, Prongs."

"Hey. It's your house too, now. Besides, she thought it might cheer you up."

"Prongs, I think I'm in love with your mum. In the most platonic way, of course, but still."

"So it's a yes?" asked a confused James.

"Of course it's a yes!"

"Great! I'll owl them later then."

Sirius sighed happily : "I should have left this damned house a long time ago."

He hadn't open his eyes during the whole conversation, but he heard James laugh cheerfully in the background, and he felt like a warmth as powerful as the sun's was filling his chest.

The day before Peter and Remus' arrival, they had played Quidditch all day long. Quidditch wasn't very fun with only two players, so they had ended up mainly throwing Bludgers at each other. Luckily, Mr and Mrs Potter didn't realise they were playing with magical balls, or they would have been in much trouble, as they lived very close of the Muggle part of the village. They were sore and exhausted, and after dinner, they headed directly to James' bedroom. The Potters house was huge, and Sirius could have slept in a guest room, but they had insisted on sleeping together. There was a mattress on the floor, next to the bed, but Sirius only slept in it every other night. This day, for example, they were both laying on the enormous bed. James was on his back, watching the ceiling, while Sirius was curled on himself, staring at James. He was wondering why he had never felt some kind of attraction to his best friend – not that he was complaining. After all, James was everything his exes and hook-ups usually were : tall, muscular, extroverted, gorgeous Quidditch players. Sure, if he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he wouldn't turn down James if he asked. He was, after all, a sixteen years-old boy with raging hormones. But that was all: it wasn't something he actually _wanted _or fantasised about. James interrupted his thoughts by suddenly laying on his side, facing him.

"Padfoot?"

"Yup?"

James had apparently been thinking too. After a few seconds of hesitation, he spoke again.

"Are you – I mean – are you okay with Moony coming over?"

"I already told you it was a bloody brilliant idea Prongs, why wouldn't I be okay with it?"

"It's just, I felt like – you never brought up the topic again."

"The – topic?"

"Well, you know. Since our discussion last year. And I didn't feel like talking about it myself, because I didn't know if it would make you uncomfortable."

Sirius wondered for a brief instant if he could just lie and said that he was completely over what he'd call a "ridiculous crush". But he couldn't do that, not to James.

"Well, not everyone handles unrequited love as great as you do, I suppose", he mumbled, averting James' eyes.

"So – you do? I mean – you still love him?"

Sirius didn't say anything, but he nodded slowly, hoping that James wouldn't insist.

"Oh. Uh. Won't it be weird, him being here and all?"

"Prongs. I really appreciate you worrying about me, but it's really not necessary." He sighed, waited a few seconds, gathering his courage, and said : "I've realised I'm in love with Moony when we were in fourth-year. As you can testify, I've shared a dorm with him ever since. He's still my best friend, just like you and Wormtail. I can't wait for him to be here, really."

James grinned so broadly that his teeth were glowing in the dark room. It was funny how obviously relieved he was.

"Well, that's great then. 'night Padfoot."

Sirius smiled fondly : "'night Prongs." He fell asleep with the same dumb smile on his face.

* * *

><p><em>I actually wanted to make only one chapter at James' house but I felt like it would be too long (especially because I hadn't much time to write this past week so the second half isn't as I wanted it to be yet) so enjoy this first part!<em>

_I live for reviews, and if you want to correct any mistake you spot, DON'T BE SHY, DO IT! I really appreciate it and it helps me a lot :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_This chapter took me much more time to write than I thought it would! But the next one should be ready much more quickly and will be quite longer, so there's that. I hope you'll enjoy it! As always, please inform me if you spot any mistake, or if I've used a american term :)_

* * *

><p>Remus and Peter were supposed to arrive the next day by the Floo Network, both around the same time in the afternoon. After lunch, the Potters and Sirius all went to the living room and waited. Mr and Mrs Potter were reading the paper, James was browsing <em>Quidditch Through the Ages,<em> while Sirius was clutching his cup of tea and trying to conceal how nervous he really felt.

Suddenly, the flames turned bright green, and Peter stumbled from the chimney, ashes all over his clothes.

"He... hello...", he coughed, "hello there."

"Wormtail!" James rose from the floor where he was laying to hug Peter. "Good to see you pal!"

"Yeah, it's been a while", said Sirius, clapping him on the back.

Peter' mousey face was lit up by joy. It had always fascinated Sirius how much the boy was constantly amazed that he actually was their friend. Even though it wasn't something he'd like to admit, the uncontested admiration was amongst the things he enjoyed the most in Peter. As Peter was greeting James's parents, the fire flashed green again and a skinny, lean figure appeared in the flames; Sirius felt his gut suddenly clutching. Remus got out of the hearth, brushing ashes off his jumper. He seemed skinnier and sicker than usual. Of course, Sirius realised; the full moon had been just a few days before. James' parents didn't know about his condition, so they had to plan the invitation to not interfere with his transformation – and, without them around to act as a distraction, the beast had probably gone back to biting and scratching itself. One of the scars on his cheek seemed indeed fresher and not totally healed, bright red next to the white lines of the old ones.

"Hi there Moony! Had a good trip?" said James, rushing to greet him.

"Well, you know I hate the Floo … But it wasn't so bad, at least it's quick. Oh, Peter is already here?" Remus never used their nicknames in front of James' parents, even though they had never inquired about their meanings. Sirius had always found the "perfect prefect" attitude irritating – whilst also oddly charming.

"Yeah, I've just arrived! Hi!" said Peter, grinning excitedly at him.

Sirius didn't say anything, he just smiled at Remus and hugged him. He smelled the usual Remus Lupin smell, old books and tea and soap and warm skin and hair … but, today, mostly ashes.

"Hi Padfoot", Remus said softly, "I've missed you".

Sirius pulled out of the hug and laughed : "Missed you too, Moony!". His heart was thumping in his chest, so loud that he was amazed no one heard it.

* * *

><p>The next couple of weeks were probably amongst the best in Sirius' life. Even though his friends knew that Sirius was the reason they all were here, no one ever brought it up, to his great relief. Usually, they probably would have made fun of him when Mrs Potter asked him if he had eaten enough after meal, or whenever she hugged him fiercely for no apparent reason, but they pretended not to notice, and it was all for the best.<p>

In the afternoon, Sirius, James and Peter usually played Quidditch. It wasn't much more fun with only three player, but Remus categorically refused to get on a broom. He couldn't have been worst than Peter (who dropped the Quaffle almost every time James passed it to him) but each time they asked him to join them, he just shrugged and kept reading his school books, which infuriated James. When they got bored of Quidditch, they sometimes went to the lake nearby to swim and enjoy the sun, or to Godric's Hollow, the village down the valley, to flirt with the young Muggles on holidays.

One day, they ran into Griffard Abbott, a Hufflepuff boy who had graduated from Hogwarts a year ago. Remus knew him a little, because he had been prefect too, so they sticked around to chat a bit. The discussion turned out rather depressing, as the topic quickly shifted from Hogwarts' memories to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. News from all over the country were getting worse and worse, and Abbott seemed really worried, as he was dating a Muggle girl. When they got back to the Potters' mansion, the tension still hasn't dissipated yet. Remus was the most disturbed, and Sirius suddenly recalled that his mum was a Muggle too. He wondered what it felt like, to be worried about your family. The Dark Lord wasn't someone the Black family viewed as a threat, quite the opposite. Thinking about them, especially Regulus, infuriated him even more. They talked of joining Dumbledore' organisation after leaving Hogwarts, even though what he was actually doing to fight the Death Eaters was quite mysterious. They excitedly discussed the war until the early hours of the day, when they all fell asleep on the mattress in James' bedroom. By morning, they had returned to their usual outdoors activities, chasing off these dark prospects of their thoughts.

* * *

><p>One day, as they were eating breakfast, four majestic owl rushed brusquely through the open window.<p>

"Is someone excepting a delivery?" asked James.

"Prongs, are bloody idiot? They're from Hogwarts, obviously", sighed Remus, catching the envelope with his name on it.

Sirius realised that he had almost forgotten that Hogwarts existed, that school was something he'd actually have to get back to in a few days – even though it was for the very last time. They opened their letters; it was the same as every year, the usual informations and list of things to purchase. Suddenly, James exclaimed: "_MERLIN'S BALLS!_ I can't believe it, I'm … I'm …" The boys all lifted their heads to look at him. He was fixing something in the palm of his hand that Sirius couldn't distinguish. His face very white, he lifted a shiny badge for the rest of them to see: "I can't believe, I'm... _they named me Head Boy!_". During a few seconds, the stunned silence was only interrupted by the howling of the birds. When they finally flew off the window, Peter burst out laughing, quickly followed by Remus. Sirius shook his head reprobatively: "My dear Prongs, I'm really disappointed in you. As if having a prefect amongst our ranks wasn't enough."

"I don't get it, though... Don't you precisely have to be a perfect to be Head Boy?" asked Peter, glancing at Remus.

"It says here that the title is accorded to '_remarkable students_', and that I qualified to the position because of my '_great leadership skills demonstrated as Quidditch _captain'. It still doesn't make any sense, I spent half of my time making pranks and the other one on detention... What was old Dumbledore thinking? Do you think he finally lost his mind?"

Everyone laughed again, but James did have a point, Sirius thought. He had never imagined Remus getting the Head Boy's badge; even though he was the "quiet one", the teachers knew very well he was one of the Marauders. But naming _James_ instead? It was even crazier.

"I hope Dumbledore hasn't gone totally mad yet, though", James continued, "and that it makes some kind of sense in this brilliant mind of his, because … When you think about it … Who could make a better Head Girl than _Evans_? I mean, it _has _to be her!"

He then got into a long monologue about how this meant that even Dumbledore had realised that he and Evans were perfect for each other and that he now had a duty to the headmaster to get a date from her, and some other nonsense that Sirius didn't quite listen to. The only interruptions were Peter' approving "yes" and "of course", and Sirius was trying really hard not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

"I feel this year's the year, y'know?" said James with an overly dramatic tone.

Peter nodded fervently once again. Sirius caught Remus' eye and they both exchanged a grin.

"What are you two laughing about? I'm _serious_!"

The indignation in his voice made them burst out laughing, and this time even Peter joined them. Having lost his most fervent follower, James sighed and stared at his badge with this annoying face he always had anytime Evans was mentioned.


	5. Chapter 5

With the end of October came the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. It was just a few days before Halloween; Sirius, Peter and Remus were drinking Butterbeers in the back of the Three Broomsticks. Rosmerta, the landlords' daughter, always saved them their favourite table, even when the pub was full like today. As James had often pointed out, she never failed to smile a bit more in Sirius' direction, who had never done anything to discourage her. After all, he really enjoyed never having to wait for a table. But today James wasn't here to laugh about it with them, as Peter was precisely pointing it out.

"I still can't believe Prongs in on a date, an _actual_ _date_, with Evans", said Peter between two sips of Butterbeer.

"You should have seen them at prefects meeting Wormtail", said Remus grinning. "Just the fact that Prongs actually was at a prefects meeting was incredible enough, but I swear she was _flirting_ with him, _flirting_, can you believe it?"

"When you think you've seen everything … By the way Moony, not too jealous old Dumbledore appointed him Head Boy?" asked Peter.

"Well, I never thought I'd get it myself, you know? I feel like I've already proven I'm not really cut for leadership. And I suppose Dumbledore had already changed his mind about who was the worthiest Gryffindor since the _incident _at the end of fifth year, he just couldn't rip my prefect's badge to give it straight to Prongs."

He had spoken with a very plain voice, but Sirius felt his guts turn to ice. They all knew what the "incident" was, Sirius more than anyone. He pushed his Butterbeer away from him; it suddenly wasn't so appealing anymore.

"Plus, it's really nice to have another Gryffindor at the meetings", continued Remus. "And you should have seen Snape's face when he found out who was our new Head Boy …"

They both bursted out laughing, and Sirius forced himself to get out of his self-loathing thoughts to laugh along.

"Ha! Serves him right, this slimy git. Still, Prongs and Evans … I can't believe it. It's depressing to think that we have no date when he got one with _Evans._"

"Hey, speak for yourself Wormtail!" said Sirius. "I could be at Puddifoot's too, drinking overpriced disgustingly sweet cocoa with pretty much any bloke I wanted. It's just a policy of mine to never accept a date, it would make them think I'm actually searching for a boyfriend. Which I'm not, obviously. And anyways, I enjoy keeping company to you two poor lonely souls."

"So nice of you to presume I'm undatable Padfoot", Remus said coolly, "but I could in fact be on a date right now as well, if I had wanted to."

Something in his tone disturbed Sirius, but he laughed and asked: "Oh really? With who exactly, Madam Pomfrey?"

"Haha, _really_ funny. Mary McDonald, actually."

"_Mary McDonald?_ Are you _barking mad _Moony?" said Peter, practically shouting. "Why in Merlin's name did you refuse?"

"I didn't exactly _refuse_. I just told her that, with James getting a date with Lily, it would be a little too much if I abandoned you two as well. But she said the offer still stood for next time."

Peter grumbled: "Would have dumped all of you for a date for a date with Mary McDonald …", which would have made Sirius smile if it wasn't for the crescent anxiety now nesting in his stomach.

"Always a real mate, Wormtail. So, ahem … what did you answer to that?"

"Well, I told her it was useless to make any promises, but that if she asked me again next time, I might say yes" said Remus, failing to repress an excited smile. His hazel eyes sparkled with something that looked awfully like pride. He had never been the dating kind, so Sirius could see why he was happy about this newfound attention, but somehow he didn't find it in him to be glad for Remus. His throat felt dry, and he swallowed twice before being able to answer.

"You – you might?"

"Well, yes, why not?" grinned Remus. "As Wormy so nicely put it, I'd have to be 'barking mad' not to at least consider it. I think she's very pretty, and, you know, she's really nice too."

"Yeah. Whatever" said Sirius, affecting a bored tone. "Shall we go now? I still have to go to Zonko's. If Prongs decides to be Mr. Perfect-Head-Boy this year, I suppose it's my duty as a Marauder to make sure our memory won't fall into oblivion."

"You know I'll always be by your side Padfoot!" exclaimed Peter. Sirius smiled fondly; dear Wormy, always ready for mischiefs and to distract him from a broken heart.

After they left the pub, they spent a nice afternoon without any further mention of Mary McDonald. Sirius spent a little fortune in Zonko, while Remus saved his economies for a raid at Honeydukes. As always, Peter spent an equal amount in both his beloved shops. Remus also dragged them to Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, arguing that his quills were definitively too old and used. Sirius and Peter spent the whole time complaining loudly that they never asked for a bookworm prefect as a friend, which made Remus' neck go pink with embarrassment. When they finally got out, he hit them both with his bag full of quills and parchments, but it only made them laugh louder. Remus sighed dramatically: "I wonder why I bother putting up with you", but he couldn't conceal his amused smile.

After some time wandering in Hogsmeade, they really had nothing left to do and decided to go back to the castle. When they had left this morning, James was still waiting for Evans in the common room; as they hadn't run into them at the village, Sirius was half expecting to see him waiting in the same armchair. But, of course, he wasn't there. As the night was falling, the common room began filling up with cheerful students. Suddenly, the portrait hole swung open once more, and James came in with Evans. They were chatting enthusiastically, which was a big enough surprise. It was true that they had been much more friendly to each other since sixth-year, but Sirius was still amazed they had managed to spent a whole day together without Evans trying to murder James.

He walked her to the bottom of the stairs leading to the girls' dorm and she kissed him on the cheek before climbing up.

As soon as she was gone, James spun around, grinning at them like a mad man. He jumped across the back of a chair and sat with a delighted sigh: "Best. Date. Ever."

Peter squealed like an excited schoolgirl, and Remus chuckled incredulously, but Sirius only sat closer to the edge of the sofa: "I feel like we deserve some details, my dear Prongs."

"Ask away my dear Padfoot, ask away!"

"Well, how did it go?"

"Great! We went to Madam Puddifoot's – her scones are _amazing_ guys, we ought to go more – and then to Honeydukes and the Post Office, and we wandered around chatting and it was just _lovely_."

Peter clapped, which made Sirius roll his eyes. "The real question here is: did you guys kiss?"

"You disappoint me, Padfoot! I tell you about my _amazing _date and all you have to ask me is _this_?" Imitating his mother to perfection, he added: "Frankly, my dear, your racy reputation do not surprise me!"

"But did you kiss her?" Sirius asked again, smirking.

"I mean – not really but –" answered James, and this time his embarrassment was obvious, much to Sirius delight.

"Not _really_?" asked Peter, incredulous.

"Yes or no Prongs?" said Remus, with a sly smile on his face. It was obvious that, just like Sirius, he was enjoying this much more than he should have.

"Well – no" James admitted. Stopping his friends' laughter before it even begun, he continued: "But! She said she had spent a really nice evening, that must mean something! … Right?"

"Well, it certainly is an improvement, no one can disagree with it" said Remus, and the three of them started to laugh; James' indignant face only increased their hilarity.

When they calmed down, probably as a punishment, they had to hear countless times the tale of his day and listen to his detailed analysis of each things Evans had said. Sirius was wondering what would be best to end his suffering, kill himself or straight up murder James. When James was finally done, the common room was almost empty, and the fire was dying in the fireplace.

They got up, yawning, and headed up to the dorms. At the bottom of the staircase, Sirius turned around to see that Remus hadn't left the sofa. He got back to sit next to him and poked him on the shoulder.

"Hey, I know you stopped paying attention a long time ago, but you realised he's done right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was just enjoying a bit of silence. I figured we'd have to hear the story of Lily brushing his hand when she reached for sugar one or two times again before going to bed, so I decided to let you and Peter be the only ones to suffer this time."

"Remus Lupin, behind this image of prefect perfect, you're a very cruel man, you know that?"

"Well, it's only fitting, isn't it?"

They both chuckled. A comfortable silence grew between them; Remus was watching the embers dying in the hearth. Sirius was thinking; he always found Remus' werewolf jokes funny, but now that the subject had been brought up, he couldn't help but think about the other thing Remus had said earlier.

"Moony … ", he said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" answered Remus distractedly.

"You know – regarding the _incident _-"

"_Merlin_ _Padfoot!_", Remus snapped, turning his head to stare at Sirius. "I just mentioned it when we were talking about Prongs, it doesn't mean I'm mad at you! I feel we went over this a dozen times already."

"I … I know. I just wanted to make sure you knew how – how sorry I am. Can't believe I ever was so stupid. I'll never forgive myself … "

"Padfoot …" he sighed. "Yeah, you acted like a complete idiot. But I forgave you, a long time ago. You know that."

His anger was gone as quick as it came, and now it was just the usual Remus, smiling at him comfortingly. He reached out and put his arm on Sirius' forearm. Sirius felt his heart stop for an instant, and starting to jump erratically the next. He usual never let himself stare at him for so long, but right now he couldn't keep his eyes off of Remus' face. It was so imperfect, dark circles under the eyes, long cuts across the jaw and the nose, acne and shaving scars on his cheeks, yet he wanted to touch it, _to kiss it, _so badly it hurt.

"I know that, I – I suppose I do know, it's just … Remus, I'm so sorry, that's all …"

His whole body was aching, begging to lean closer, but he couldn't, he just couldn't. As he spoke, he helplessly stared at Remus, hoping he would understand the things he wasn't saying, hoping he'd do _something, _anything, and allow him to get closer like he was craving to.

"No need to worry, really", said Remus, removing his hand. "Come on Black, time to go to bed now."

He was still smiling, and it broke Sirius' heart all over again.

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><p><em>I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Don't hesitate to leave a review, it always makes my day :) I hope you'll stick around, I'm very excited for the next chapter!<em>

_A special thank you to **ifixedthebifrost**, your reviews are lovely and I appreciate it so much :)_**  
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